Aries New Moon

Quite a month this has been.

For anyone who felt the whispers of this time coming and began to prepare in some way, this weekend leading up to the next Moon cycle, beginning Tuesday morning 4:51 EDT, is the time to tune into what you are led by higher guidance to do next. Astrologically, the cycles reflect that we are once again going through an energy portal of incomparable change.

So many astrologers have talked about the Saturn/Pluto conjunction, that I will not be picking that apart here, but I would refer you to Rick Levine who has done gold standard research on the levels of change this conjunction reflects.

What I will bring up and possibly just be reiterating is that this joining of energies is happening in the earth sign of Capricorn which means that the greatest effect will be felt in our systems of management, that means, government and power structures on the collective side, and personally, a challenge to our ideas of how much power we have in our own lives.

The darker sides of Saturn and Pluto are fear and obsession.

What we can use this time to reach for is to step into a broader realization of connection to life, and a very much changed picture of where we are in that order and what we are in this incarnations to do to be responsible to that vision.

We came into bodies at this time for a specific purpose, but no one stands alone in that purpose, we are all pieces of a dynamic that is too big to get an individual grip on.

We get the information we need, though to move along the path, and this information stream is coming at us faster now. There is a pile up of planets in Capricorn, Mars, the Energizer, Jupiter, the Magnifier, Saturn the Restrictor, and Pluto the Transformer. All in the sign of ambition, organizing systems, hierarchies of power and relentless moving through obstacles with focus.

The Sun has just gone into Aries, with the Moon about to join; at every other time in life this has been the high tide of Spring, but this year is different.

This year, as we want to go out and be with people, it is dangerous to.

Connections have to be made in other ways, when we see people now, we have to keep our distance, but we can gaze at one another, we can listen more deeply, we can engage a patience in being in that moment 6′ away from someone that creates a space to become aware of how much we need each other’s notice. How much we need to notice others.

The archetype card for this Moon cycle is Alethieia for the New Moon, coming up to the Full Moon card The temple.

Aletheia is Truth, recognizing it when you hear it from the still small voice. If you are a person like me who has all kinds of personalities having arguments in their head, you can distinguish this one from the others by one thing. It speaks once. It speaks simply. It does not elaborate. the ego voices rush in to say what was meant, what the guidance, what the project, what the next way to attempt to control the flow, but the still voice will not engage with that. You got your answer. You trust it, or you do not.

The way of truth is life giving, healing and shows you your unique way in the world, the way you fit into the big pattern that you cannot see.

The temple represents what you honor in your life, where you take your truth to dance with it, and manifest it. That could be out in nature or in the kitchen or the car, where it is is uniquely your own.

In these times, knowing who you are is vital.

If who you have been doesn’t fit the truth, then it will hurt for awhile as you readjust, realign.

A friend said to me “I just want my life back” which struck me as a perfect picture of where we are.

Our lives are forever changed when the evolutionary energies ramp up, think of how after 9/11 we knew the world to be different than we had thought. This is another one of those times.

We cannot have the lives that have changed back.

We don’t get to have things that are gone returned, or clothes we have outgrown to still fit.

It is over.

This is new territory, and it’s good to have a map.

One truth might be that life isn’t a series of pieces in a puzzle that we lose parts of and so are unable to complete a picture, though it may feel that way. We all have time and space in our incarnation toolbox, and we create within those parameters, but in doing so, must not forget that it is all encompassed by Grace, which is the map.


Cosmic Weather Report — dharmabitch

The Moon is in Cancer at the moment, an emotional and highly sensitive placement coming up to a Full Moon in Leo. Mars is still in Sagittarius, so there is energy, but it is tending toward a sureness of being right, and optimism all around that. Here’s how to avoid misplacing optimism for the next […]

via Cosmic Weather Report — dharmabitch

Cosmic Weather Report

The Moon is in Cancer at the moment, an emotional and highly sensitive placement coming up to a Full Moon in Leo.

Mars is still in Sagittarius, so there is energy, but it is tending toward a sureness of being right, and optimism all around that.

Here’s how to avoid misplacing optimism for the next little bit of time.

This Full Moon is bringing to a culmination a confident sense of knowing what is right, how things will go, turn out, and of what events are really made or arising from.  This may not be the case.  There are elements at work to cloud issues and relationships, surprises which could turn out to be revelatory or disappointing, but what is called for is standing back in openness, with beginner’s mind.

Freshness, innocence, and curiosity will best serve at this time.

Not only do we not know everything, we don’t even know what we don’t know.

This is an era of surprises, and met with openness, brings gifts; met with rigidity, brings conflict.

The roots of all conflict and aggression, frustration and disappointment come from inside, and the world is mirroring the internal landscape sooner and with greater clarity than ever, because we have such need of awakening now.

The archetype card picked for this Full Moon is The Riddle.  A riddle is not a completely unsolvable problem, it contains within it the answer.  Unraveling that is play, exercising attention, curiosity and creativity.  Patience is required, as well as openness and logic.

As we have just been navigating our way through some strong Neptune transits, this is a good idea.  Neptune reflects the light in ways we don’t expect, creating illusions and fantasies. Stepping back from that a bit is what is needed at this time.

Biting through is another beautiful image of breaking down something into digestible form.  The hexagram reflects an obstacle that must be cut through with intention.

In spite of whatever we think about what we think, and about our feelings, there are bigger laws in play.  Karma, Gravity, Evolution, Thermodynamics, we are, in this incarnation subject to the 3 dimensions.  The laws of this life can’t be circumvented, but they can be known and they can be worked with.

In the Tarot, it is the Magician who shows us how to proceed in this world, creating with conscious attention to the tools at hand.

With this full moon, we have an opportunity to notice what tools we are using, and to what end.  Are we finding we ways to be open or are we solidifying masks.  Are we at the mercy of our reactions or are we willing to look deeper into their motivation.

Writing this while the Moon is in moody Cancer, I almost forgot to say that the encouraging part about the heart centered Leo Moon means resilience, connection and forming community.

Saturn is still in Capricorn, dancing with Pluto, this is a time of enormous change in the zeitgeist, marvelous things are possible, the emergence of new realities, and the systems which no longer suit us swept away.

The last time this aspect occurred in an earth sign was during the Reformation.

Maybe it’s time for another one.



So, I’m just pretending that anyone reads these posts, or listens to me once in awhile when I am up at 4 in the morning having an anxiety attack or just plain old lady insomnia.  I pretend that I have an audience, because I have to write, I am just made that way and though it is a vanity I can’t shake, I keep hoping I can turn it to some use, someday, somehow, somewhere, there’s a place for me. [apologies to Mr. Sondheim].

When I decided to select my own nickname, never having had one that made sense to me, or some denigrating remark that stuck, I realize I invoked a source, a quality I have always wanted, but is harder than I thought to live up to.  Much easier to live up to lard ass or stupid, but then, those names are harder to live down.  I am comfortable with having to living down the idea of solidity, of reality, of truth, of purification, though it isn’t going to happen in a flash.

I have had my share of flashes, of Darshan, but this last one was strong like an  earthquake.  I can’t be happy with what I thought I was happy with.  I was happy, enough that is, maintaining a bit of equilibrium and the illusion of control by relating to Life as though it might whack me if It caught me having fun.  It might decide to take me down a few pegs if I drew attention to myself.  Why not?  That was what experience taught me.  I have become skilled at being a good whipping girl all on my own so that God could see me out of the corner of Her eye when She had paused from doing Her nails and see that I was sufficiently not a threat, and therefore needed no chastising.  No  amount of reason or religion cut through this.

But though I can see that I am still getting excited and careening off on a wild trajectory, it no longer feels as though it will solve anything.  I see what these kinds of tantrums get my grandchildren, which is absolutely zip on the positive side, and way too much processing and parental soul searching on the other.  An impulse is an impulse, and the nature of it does nothing to predict how much of a mess it can make when unleashed.

Restlessness is.

It will probably always be without being a measure of my belief that under all that we see and most of what we don’t is love.  It doesn’t matter about being heard, or loneliness or fear.  It matters to be able to see those things as part of the ongoing changing pattern of karma.

Searching for a very large percentage of my time here and getting pissed off or disappointed or rejected or judged is not important in any way.  What is, to me, is that I find it in my capacity as a human to see other humans, to hear them, to know that they are me, not different, not separate.   [It makes me smile to think how little many people will relish the idea that I’m as much a part of them as they are of me. ]

Now that this standing in front of me, I can look forward to more opportunities to try it out with people who have been wired to my nervous system, people whom I find annoying, threatening, oppressive – because I am annoying, threatening, oppressive.  The tricky part is that I don’t think I am, but I keep getting a glimpse and a whisper “yes, you are, but never mind…”

Underneath even the noisiest ego is the wordless current, running through all forms, bringing all truths to light, presenting every opportunity to burn Karma; offering always offering Grace, transcendence and Love.

Buddha in the Back Seat

Stop me if you’ve heard this one. A few years ago, when Ingrid would ride someplace with me in the car and bring dolls to play with, before the time of screens or cel phones, I could listen in on the doll’s conversations every now and then.  Her dolls were discussing what needed to be done, and in the process I could tell that one of the dolls was not as interested in getting things done as she was in getting the other doll to do things for her.  The doll who was being asked to be a personal assistant snapped at the lazy, princess doll “Clean you own windows!”.

At that moment, I saw the answer to all personal complaints.

Jai Guru…

Thanks to RD, KD and Babba.

I have had a lovely vacation from long term depression and the occasional sense of despair, but I notice that whether the moment of pure knowing comes for a flash or for a week [or 2] it recedes.  I am enormously grateful to have had that, and to know that deep hole I have been in now has a ladder, and the lid has been removed from the top, so I can see the sky.  It is a gift to know that the return is always to love, and that whatever happens between, it is what holds everything together, tears everything apart, stands in the way, and makes the way clear.  So, no bitching about Grace going behind the curtain again, just looking for the reminders that she is there, flipping the switch, cranking the crank, and smiling quietly to herself.  Unlike OZ, though, she is no fake.

Ram Das said that he didn’t express the love he felt for people indiscriminately because if he did, they would never leave him alone.  Krishna Das describes their guru as the most beautiful being in the universe all wrapped up in a blanket, and how nobody could stay away from him, he was such pure radiance and love.  He also says that when people are responding to his singing, it is Baba who is working through him, not taking credit for himself, not claiming to be enlightened or special – separate from anyone who comes to hear him.

I thought of this as I sat in the audience watching the energy rise and fall in the place, seeing bits of transformative fire fall on people, and could not miss the expression of my own frozen Karma that pops up every time I go out in public to an event I plan to enjoy.  Right in front of me sat a couple, the woman clearly transported by the kirtan, participating and glowing, and her boyfriend, who, if I were making assumptions, [and I am] looked like a Marine, held himself with perfect stillness and silence throughout the whole thing.  I wondered if he had come with her as a favor. I thought he must really like her, because he didn’t seem to care one way or the other about kirtan.  It seemed as though he could take it or leave it.

At one point, Krishna Das talked about a saint who had been completely misunderstood, and that of course, saints were misunderstood, how could we understand them, they are saints!  Then, he launched into a wonderful rendition of Jesus is on the Mainline.  People got up and danced, and waved their arms, a sense of delight filling the room.  The man in from of me seemed to soften a tiny bit, tapped his foot to the music and relaxed the muscles in his neck.

I bring him up because I know he is me.  I have such a hard time letting myself open to anything, any joy, particularly in public, I just don’t trust it, it’s so much easier for me to be with it when I am alone, but then, I am alone and not relating from my heart with people.  This is not my gift, I have been trying to remember if there was a time when connecting from the heart with anyone wasn’t put in the shame box and tied up with a humiliation bow.  Alcohol was helpful, until it wasn’t.

Is it that important to express it?  Is it enough for now to not be an asshole whenever possible? Is it enough to keep reminding myself that everything I see gets interpreted in the light of whatever karma needs burning today?

This bridge has to be built out of more than words, more than intentions.  I can see heaven from here, but it is more than one finger bone away.

bait & switch.

For awhile now, my daughter and her kids have been living with me in this 900 sq ft house.  She came here from a collapsing personal life, and my idea was that I could provide a safe place that would also not cost her anything [other than her freedom] to heal in, to find her center again and to redirect her energy.  To look at it another way, I went into full on mama bear mode, problem solving everything that appeared on the horizon.  Over time I was told to stop saying this, stop doing that, and I worried so much all the time that I didn’t sleep well, I began to feel as though I were being put in time out while the kids ran wild over everyone.  I couldn’t focus on my own interests, and fell into an old family pattern of being a maid, a cook, a laundress and taking care of everyone’s needs [as perceived by me] first, and having to keep my opinion to myself in the process.  This was not fertile ground for harmony, so harmony became another problem for me to solve.

To do that, it would help to know what harmony really is in the first place.

It probably isn’t one person singing and the other person twitching.

The crescendo should be soaring, not deafening.

The way life would design it, I lost contact with close friends who were local, I ran out of money to drive 80 miles to be around a group I liked, I ran out of energy to do the drive anyhow, and somehow kept on doing things like falling, breaking things in my body, experiencing bouts of narcolepsy and depression that just would not lift long enough so that I might stop thinking in ways that made the quicksand come closer to my mouth.

i would force myself to do my best, feeling much of the time as though I were being flayed by the sound of children arguing, guts turning to stone whenever my daughter was having a tough day.

Then something happened.  I began to desire something else, The words came across to me one day from Ramana Maharishi that all things belong to God, that nothing is ours.

Anytime at all, I could take my hands off the wheel, and life might anthropomorphically, sigh in relief and take over, take the vehicle where it supposed to go, and that all things connected with this will be handled appropriately.  I didn’t need to worry, I could trust in the benevolence of life at its source and know that it is fine.  I could untie the strings from the stories I tell myself about what is going on and let the stories float away, I could tell new stories, and not identify with them, either.  I could know, that we are all created by love, out of love, and that there is nothing else but that love.  All kinds of things can happen, do happen, might not happen, and I am not in charge of any of it.

Now, to so many people this sounds elementary, but even though I have heard it so many times, this time, it had something else with it, an experience of Joy, perhaps it could be called Darshan, if that’s not too big a word.  It doesn’t seem to big a word to me, because my depression is gone, and I never though it would be.

My family moved in with me and brought chaos and noise, delight and fear for their safeties and futures.  I had the beautiful gift of discovering that I am not able to fix anything, unless it is an old lamp I found at the dump.  Through fear, and sadness, grief and depression I have tired out the system so completely that there was nothing else to do but stop.

I am grateful.  I thought I was saving them.

They were saving me.


I was in Market Basket the other day, perusing the marked down vegetables, my favorite rack, because I know that the stuff is perfectly good, much cheaper and is going to end up in the dumpster if nobody wants it.  Tomatoes with a weird bit on them, slightly rusty beans, a bag of basil with a wilted leaf or 2 and an abundance of artichokes that I know I can trim back severely and enjoy, in fact, when they are far enough gone to make it to the reduced section, they have a sweeter taste, and not just because I saved money, they really are sweeter.  [shhhhh!]

The next step is to sit here with the cold cooked artichokes and leaf by leaf, scrape the meat off onto a dish for tapenade.  It is tedious and I think, as I scrape off 1/8 teaspoon of edible bit, how much an artichoke goes through to get to me.  In Castro California, a field of these marvelous edible thistles are tended and harvested and sent 3,000 miles to a store near me, and they are only $2.00 each, or, depending, they cost $2.00 each?  Really?!

I am not a gardener, but if I were, that is what I would build a greenhouse for [and melons].

Peel, scrape, peel, scrape, after a few minutes the hairy bit and the heart, difficult not to just put it in my mouth after all that, but the heart is where the best is, and it is rude not to share.

There is almost a point to this story, I was thinking how like the journey and artichoke is.  A little bit of something, a little bit of work to prepare,and one leaf at a time, stripping away obstacles to the center, some pleasure along the way, the occasional bitter surprise, or disappointed inhabitant, but pure joy at the heart

The Road Not

Without being able to view parallel threads of existence, how can we know that going by the road not taken has made all the difference?  We don’t even remember the road we did take with accuracy.  One missed opportunity might not have been an opportunity at all, and viewed backwards through the lens of envy and regret, the image twists into something unrecognizable from the original imagined goal.  Lost love or a dodged bullet?  Great riches and acclaim or blindness to the world. One piece of information, at the right time, to a receptive mind can turn everything that was held to be immutable into quicksand; or wings.